Despite Being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 2004, my daughters father deciding to be an absent uninvolved father. I decided to finally begin to sort out all of the emotional heartaches and obstacles in my own life present and past. I had a pretty rough start in life, coming from a gulp of dysfunction and neglect, but who and what determines things would evolve in our lives? I realized that there was an amazing dynamic between my daughter and myself. However, there was something missing.
In 2011 I enrolled in Northwest Community College after completing my high school diploma at the age of 40. Yayy! My life has finally began to unfold, but my daughter kept having these constant cold and allergy symptoms. I would take a day from school to care for her and/or take her to the doctor. Eventually, this put me on probation so I decided to withdraw. In addition to my daughter Paishence an only child having cold and allergy symptoms, she began to fall in school and she complained of leg pain all the time, in which she had been complaining for the past two to three years anyway. The doctors kept telling me to give her Motrin or Tylenol for growing pains. The third time I had taken her for leg pain, I insisted they looked further into her complaints.
After carefully reviewing her x-rays the doctors found a mass on her leg and told me that whatever it is was wrapped around her bone and they were preparing to send her to a Memphis Children’s Hospital. I thought, oh no not again! Paishence was born with a rare disorder she barely survived. It was rough! So after having a talk with self, I decided to stay positive and to take it one step at a time.
We went to Memphis, talked to the doctors and they decided to do a biopsy that gave them a crystalized substance of some sort, that puzzled them. They took a couple more days to find that she had Osteosarcoma, a bone cancer that was rare for a child her age. I inhaled not realizing it. My life changed in an instant! I became a zombie programmed. I only heard what they told me to do next, I forgot about everything else. My child became a TRUE gift and a blessing to me all of a sudden. She was precious, It was then that I learned time waited for no one, to choose my battles wisely and to only deal with relevant issues in life.
Paishence was on three different types of Chemo for nine months hospitalized at least three weeks out of the month because the cancer was very aggressive without stages, had a limb salvaging surgery, where she lost her right femur/thigh bone and the ball of her hip. she is on her second leg surgery and has more to come. It’s new, It’s different, but it has become our new normal. Yes we have heartaches and pain just like before, but they are different in many ways!
Some become more passive, where in me it was my compassion and passion had actually grown. I was a sterner mom, with set solid rules because I knew I had to be determined and keep this child determined to see those things that was not! On one of my brothers birthdays. February 23, 2012. Paishence went into remission.
I just want to leave you with this, I kept the faith regardless to what God decided. I fussed when necessary, I made her focus whenever possible and I continued to be mom, because I believed that Paishence had a future with me and most of all she had a journey of her own to travel.
So here I am forty pounds heavier after sitting at the hospital with Paishence, but it’s like history repeating itself what other reason wouldn’t you mind taking care of someone and gaining weight? When it’s your baby! smile!
Nanette is my birth name, Journey is my spiritual name because it is what I am traveling with you! You are not alone.